Grief

The other day, I realized that I have not grieved the deaths of my grandparents, except for my mothers mom. When I grieved for her, it was a cloudy gloomy day, I was not feeling well, and i was probably a half hour drive from where she lived with my grandfather when they were both still alive. All these factors, including the stress of my first job, caused me to start crying and I was told to go to the "beach house" where half the aquatics staff lived during the summer. When I got there, I was still crying, and I laid down on the couch and cried myself to sleep, to awaken in time for lunch, and I was fine after that. Of my other grandparents, I have never really grieved. I think I distanced myself so I would accept their deaths more easily and I would not be affected as much, I especially distanced myself from my fathers parents after an incident at the retirement community when an old man yelled at me for making a mistake when I didn't realize I was doing it. Thankfully my grandfather bowed up to him (defended me and got in his face), but the damage was done, and I was sort of afraid to go back, incase that old man was there again. Also, my grandmother was suffering from Alzheimer's, so she wasn't really the grandmother I grew up knowing, so I kind of had to walk on egg shells around her, at least in my mind I had to. So there is another insight into the madness that is my head.