Sit up and Listen

Body posture is one of the silent ways of communication, and a lot of the time, I try to be mindful of my body posture. Some times when I am uncomfortable, I realize I am leaning towards someone or something that comforts me. If I don't feel like talking I will cross my arms in front of my chest. Sometimes when I slouch in a chair, I am usually tired or comfortable, so if you see me slouching in a chair, ask if I'm either of the two before asking me something else. If I am leaning forward when sitting down, I am listening with all of my attention, not trying to invade your personal space, and if I am bored, trust me you'll know.

I'm not FINE, I'm good

I recently learned something pretty funny, to me at least. I learned that fine stands for F**ked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. From now on I will try not to say "I'm fine", but "I'm doing good" instead. Lately I have been quite happy to be honest, I have been going to therapy to get some help, there I said it, and that has helped me realize some things and helped me work through some anxiety. I am actually on half days now, instead of full days, and that has made me a little happier and frees up my afternoons a lot. It was actually one of my therapists who told me what being fine really means. Another way I'm happy is writing these blogs, it lets me get out a lot of thoughts and it feels like some weight is lifted a little with each blog. My sleep schedule has normalized, some what as well, where before, I was sleeping twenty hours one day, and then the next, I was up for almost three days straight. I'm eating healthier since I started therapy, resulting in weight loss and more energy. So from not on, I'm not fine, I'm doing good.

Grief

The other day, I realized that I have not grieved the deaths of my grandparents, except for my mothers mom. When I grieved for her, it was a cloudy gloomy day, I was not feeling well, and i was probably a half hour drive from where she lived with my grandfather when they were both still alive. All these factors, including the stress of my first job, caused me to start crying and I was told to go to the "beach house" where half the aquatics staff lived during the summer. When I got there, I was still crying, and I laid down on the couch and cried myself to sleep, to awaken in time for lunch, and I was fine after that. Of my other grandparents, I have never really grieved. I think I distanced myself so I would accept their deaths more easily and I would not be affected as much, I especially distanced myself from my fathers parents after an incident at the retirement community when an old man yelled at me for making a mistake when I didn't realize I was doing it. Thankfully my grandfather bowed up to him (defended me and got in his face), but the damage was done, and I was sort of afraid to go back, incase that old man was there again. Also, my grandmother was suffering from Alzheimer's, so she wasn't really the grandmother I grew up knowing, so I kind of had to walk on egg shells around her, at least in my mind I had to. So there is another insight into the madness that is my head.

Stress

Recently, as in the past four or five years, my stress levels have been steadily increasing. It started with the death of my grandfather on my mothers side, who suffered from dementia. Following shortly there after by his wife, my grandmother on my mothers side, who died from a doctors mistake. Then I graduated from high school and moved with my parents to Texas, where I did not know anyone. Before I could acclimate myself to my new home environment, I was whisked away off to collage, where not even my family was. While this was going on, my fathers parents health started to circle the drain so to speak. The first to go was my other grandmother, whom suffered from Alzheimers, and she died right in the middle of final exams, so I pretty much failed a few tests. Next my other grandfather passed from what I think was complications of a stroke, but I'm not sure at this moment. If you can not tell, I have had a lot of stress piled on in recent years, and I have most likely forgot or left out a lot.

Talking too much

There has always been people who talk too much. They talk out of turn and interrupts constantly, especially if they disagree with something someone says. They are rude and usually don't care about it. Sometimes they talk so much that it overwhelms a lot of people, not me, I don't really get overwhelmed from others talking too much, I just tune them out. Although there have been times when it gets to me as well, and it ends up usually bumming me out. A lot of the time, these people are cutting others off and no one corrects them because they really don't feel like wasting their breaths, because people will usually cut people off again shortly there after.

Friendship

Cherish your friends, your true friends, for when you need them the most, they will be there to pick you up. If they are true friends, you can tell them anything and they wont make fun of you, well, at least until you can laugh about it later.Do not ever push your friends away, for when you need them, you wont have them around. True friends are people to hangout with when you are feeling bored, lonely, or you just feel like hanging out with someone. Also, don't neglect new people, one of them could become your new best friend, or even dating material. Trust your friends and they will in turn trust you in return, and if you help them out in their time of needs, they will reciprocate when you need them. Fights are to be expected, but don't be afraid to apologize, because you don't want to make an enemy out of a friend. Tell me what you think.

Remembering 9/11

Ten years ago, on this day, a terrible tragedy occurred. Four airplanes were hijacked by an extremist Muslim group named al-Qaeda, a total of 19 of them were directly responsible for the hijacks, all of whom died. Two of the airplanes, American Airlines flight 11 and United Airlines flight 175, were flown into the World Trade Center, also known as the "Twin Towers" completely destroying it. About two hours after the planes crashed into the towers, both collapsed, causing massive amounts of debris and dust to spread outward in New York City, New York. As a result of this attack, 2,606 died in the towers and on the ground, 411 of which were emergency workers.

A third plane, American Airlines flight 77, was hijacked and flown into the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia. A total of 125, fifty-five of which were military personnel, were killed in the crash.

A final fourth plane, United Airlines flight 93, was hijacked and crashed into a field near Shanksville, Pennsylvania, after its passengers attempted to take control before it could hit its intended target, the Capitol building in Washington D.C. All 40 people, not including the hijackers, perished on the ill fated flight. In total, 2,977 people died, 246 of whom were the planes passengers, perished in this terrible tragedy.



When all of this happened, I was in band class in I think the sixth grade. We were let out early because of this and at the time, I was happy, because I didn't know what happened and I got out of school early. When I got home, my father was there and he explained what was happening, and I felt disgusted with myself for being happy. Unfortunately, I don't remember where my mother, sister, or brother were.

I would just like to ask you if you are reading this, to take a moment of silence for those who died on that fateful day ten years ago.