Sunday, December 23, 2012

What is Love?

Now a days a lot of people say they are in love with someone. I ask them how they know and they never have an answer for me. I'll tell you what I think love is, it is when you think about someone all the time and you want them to be happy, by doing large or small things for them. Your heart races every time you talk to them, be it online or in person. You can not imagine being without them or even remember a time before you met them, they were always there. I dream of the day that I will feel this emotion, sometimes I do feel this but I just squash it down because I know the person I like is taken. I have said I liked a lot of people in the past but I truly don't know what to do. I have liked this person since ninth grade, but I was to afraid to approach her with my feelings until recently. We were on the swim team and marching band together  and those were the happiest times of my life. I would secretly glance at her all the time, when I was sure no one was looking. One day in ninth grade at a football game, a friend named Travis told me to go up to her and ask her out, apparently I was caught. I tried to work up the courage, but it failed me when I most needed it. He then swooped in and started dating her before I could try again. I wasn't mad, she seemed happy, so I wasn't mad. At least I thought I wasn't, now that I think back on it, I was really upset. Yet once again, I did nothing. Am I doomed to forever be alone? She probably right now is reading this and is thinking "oh will that's so sweet, but I have a boyfriend".

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


I am excited because there is someone I like who maybe might like me back. I met her almost a year ago and she is very pretty and is better than me at everything that I can think of without talking about how we met or where. So as to protect her privacy I wont give out too much information, or none at all in this case. I actually have been loosing sleep lately because I have been thinking about her. I am not complaining mind you, just stating a fact. This will be cut short, cause I lost my umm....uh...momentum i guess

Saturday, October 13, 2012

The Alchemyst

The Alchemyst: The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel, by Michael Scott is a wonderful book about adventure and magic. This book is the first in a series, about twins who stumble upon a fight between good and evil in an old bookshop that Josh Newman works at in San Fransisco, owned by an older man who turns out to be Nicholas Flamel. They then discover their ability to use magic and they begin to learn for Flamel. At first only Sophie can use magic and it causes a rift to appear in the twins relationship. After accidentally falling into the world of magic, Sophie and Josh Newman must run away on an adventure to save the world from the evil Doctor John Dee and the Dark Elders. Along the way they find out that there is real live magic and even more amazing is that they have the power to save or destroy the world.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Kiki's Delivery Service

Next in my collection of Miyazaki films is Kiki's Delivery Service. This movie is about a young bubbly girl who leaves home at thirteen to go on a journey to further her studies as a witch. At first she knows very little of the world but as the movie progresses she begins to experience it. According to the film, every young witch at thirteen has to spend a year away from home and find a town or city with no other witches to spend the year. So Kiki (pronounced key key), along with her guide cat Jiji (pronounced gee gee), fly off on an adventure and find a city on the ocean, a place she always dreamed of going to. At said city; which I believe is based on a pre-WW2 austrian city circa 1930's, but that is just my observation; she has to earn money by starting a delivery service. Where she flies on her broom, albeit sometimes not sucessfully, and delivers packages to coustomers. She came up with this buisness because it is revieled that she doesnt have a lot of talent/experience in the other forms of witchcraft, like potion making and fortune telling. She also works part time at a bakery owned by a couple, Osono and "the baker" that lets her stay with them. While spending her training year in the port city, she makes new friends in a flight obsessed boy named Tombo and an artist who lives on her own named Ursula.

This Movie has a star studded cast that brings to life this movie. The leading role is played by a younger Kirsten Dunst, more famous for her role in the Spider man trilogy. Voicing Jiji is the wonderfully brilliant comidian Phil Hartman, whom the english translation was dedicated to for his untimely passing. The role of Osono is played by Tress MacNeille, famous for her voice roles in animation such as futurama, simpsons and various other roles, while "the baker" is voiced by Brad Garrett, more famous for his role as Robert Barone on Everybody Loves Raymond. Tombo is voiced by the surprisingly, in my opinion, Matthew Lawrence, whom is famous for his role as Jack on the tv sitcom, Boy meets World. Finally, Ursula is voiced by Janeane Galofalo, famous for her role as a regular on Saturday Night Live between 1994 aand 1995.

Thursday, October 11, 2012


What do you do with the time you have been given. I think about this question a lot when I am just sitting somewhere not doing anything. Do you know what I come up with? Nothing. I am doing nothing with my time now a days. I am stuck in a rut so to speak, where I do the same thing every day. Don't get me wrong, I do a lot of things, like talking to my friends from high school and from work, or playing video games, or working, or... you know what, I don't do much do I? This has just proved my point. I need to get out and do something, but I don't know what to do or where to go. Maybe I could start working out again, but then I would need motivation to continue. I could join an adult swim team I think, but then again I am not comfertable with how I look right now so that leads back to my lack of exersizing.  Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do in my free time?

Monday, October 8, 2012

What will I do?

It is kind of weird that I actually like someone. I have actually liked this person for some time, since I first met her in high school. Unfortunately I was stupid and never approached her, so now we are miles apart and it is unlikely that we would get together. She is beautiful beyond compare, with her red hair and her genuine smile, with her beautiful blue/green eyes and, may I say, attractive figure. Unfortunately she has recently lost her mother and has been pretty sad because of it, I sort of know what she is going through, with the loss of my grandparents. I most likely was not as close to them as she was with her mother. If I had the chance to meet her, I would probably thank her for raising such a beautiful and upstanding young woman. Until recently I was terrified of approaching her because she had a boyfriend, but I recently found out she was single again so I thought I would take a chance and try to approach her.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

It has been a while

As you may have noticed, it has been quite a while since I last wrote a blog. I would like to apologize for this, but I had no motivation to do so, write a blog that is, not the apology, that is sincere. A few things have happened since I last wrote a blog, like me getting a promotion at my job, I am now called a "general clerk", which basically means I am their whipping boy or something now. If they need someone, whatever the task, they call on me now. Unfortunately its not much of an improvement though. I may have gotten a very slight pay raise, but its not really a lot. I am happy I received the raise though, it means something along the lines of being trusted more.....blah blah blah, I am still their b***h. Another thing that happened recently was my brother got a job here in Houston, so he has been living with us until he finds and moves into a new house. This means I, theoretically, see him more often. I say theoretically because I still do not see him that much, I mean in the past five years, I have seen his dog more than I have seen him. I understand that he is busy and such, so I do not expect to see him that often. One final thing that has happened is I have finally gone on dates, mind you there were two of them, with two different women, but they were still dates darn it. So now that I have gotten some experience, I feel more comfortable asking women out.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Letters to myself

Dear William,

You are a disgrace and a fool. You had so many opportunities given to you. You could be somewhere today like your brother and sister. You could have had a great job and a loving girlfriend by now but you were too afraid to do anything and look at you now! You still live with your parents. You are single and most likely wont get a girlfriend anytime soon. You are at the bottom rung of a grocery store job. Yeah you advanced A LITTLE, but did you really get that far? NO you didn't, you are just one step forward in a year, A YEAR. All your old friends live on their own now with well or decent paying jobs while you are still with your parents. You were so closed minded back in high school that you almost lost the chance at having great friends like Y and T. You stuck with your "clique" and paid no attention to others. You should have been friendlier with other people, but you were and still are afraid to step out of your comfort zone. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!!! Another thing, why are you so depressed? It's not like you have a reason to anymore. Yeah you moved, FIVE YEARS AGO!!! Get over it, you'll make new friends, just put yourself out there. Yeah your grandparents are all dead, but they are in a better place now and they wouldn't want you top be like this. So you feel like you let your parents down in every way ever since you got your eagle. YOU GOT YOUR EAGLE, I am sure your allowed a few let downs because of that. So you feel like because you question your faith, your ostrisized from your family. Big deal, they still love you. Bah....I can't talk to you right now.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Letters to you

Dear Whomever,

I like you. I have since I first met you in high school marching band. You were in the flags but I didn't care, you made them all better just by being there. At the time I was afraid to approach you and I sincerely regret it. I should have asked you out back then and I am kicking myself for it. Now I find out your single again and I hope you will let me in this time. I have found my courage and wish to ask you out. Unfortunately you told me you didn't want a relationship right now and we are so far apart. I wont give up because of this set back. I will try to become a better friend and when you are ready I will try asking you out again.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Letters to you

Dear Whomever,

If you are reading this, I do not mind. I just thought I would write to you to vent my feelings from my past. My past... makes me sound link an elderly man on my death bed trying to clear my conscious, does it not? Anyway, I decided this time to write to you because I was thinking about you for some reason, who knows maybe I like you? All joking aside, we were never really close when we went to school together, oh you were nice to me, do not get me wrong, but I always felt like I was beneath your notice. You were the popular cheerleader while I was the social outcast. You were the academic excellence and I was the loser who just made average. Recently you reached out to me and offered to email me, and this really threw me for a loop. What was this beautiful woman from my past doing writing to me? When you told me you thought I sounded lonely in my blogs, it actually made me happy that someone noticed and decided to do something about it. We traded some emails, you told me about your dog and boyfriend and I told you about my dog and work. Unfortunately I messed up and stopped writing to you. I am sorry. It is not because I got really busy with work or other things, it is because I figured you were getting tired of writing me or something like that and my low self esteem took over and I just never responded back. I am worried that I hurt your feelings. Now I sit here and write this, in the hopes that we can rekindle our friendship through emailing each other

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Letters to you

Dear whom ever,

I am mad at you. We used to be the best of friends but that ended when I moved. Slowly we drifted apart, and this saddens me. I tried to remain in contact with you but you never responded. You probably changed you cell phone number and did not tell me. I try to get in contact with you through our friends but that road was a dead end. Please, I want us to remain friends but I can not reach you. I do not know what to do. You always inspired me to do better, you had the life I wanted. You had a girlfriend who loved you, you had a job you liked, you had better grades than me. You were better than me at the instrument we played together. You learned to drive before me and took pity on me and invited me to your weekly parties that you held at your house. The only thing I did better than you was the boy scouts, and that was just barely. Right now I have to ask people from back home how you are because that is the only way I find out about you. Did I do something wrong? I think about that every day. I have had dreams where you explain to me why you have not talked to me. It is not fair, we used to be friends, I considered you one of my best friends. Now I have no one that close, I have tried to make new friends, and I have had some success but it is not the same.

Monday, June 4, 2012


I figure you don't really care what time I woke up so I'll just describe my day. I read on the beach with my mother for about thirty to forty minutes, unfortunately it was a tad bit cold for my mother so we decided to go inside. Shortly there after, my mom, dad, and I went out to lunch, I cant remember where, I think it was a place called Mulligans. After lunch I asked my parents if we could go play mini gulf, and they said after dinner, which was made by my sisters father-in-law, and it was a German/Hungarian/Austrian, or what ever dish. After dinner, we actually went mini golfing with most of the people who were there and we all had fun.

Sunday, June 3, 2012


Today I woke up at seven ten a.m. and played with my niece for a while. Later we, as in my sister and her family and my family, went out to dinner at a nice restaurant, the name of which I cant remember. Through out the day we all played on the beach and I spent a decent amount of time reading in my room. After dinner we took some pictures of us on the beach, and I held my niece for a short while until she started to cry.

Saturday, June 2, 2012


Today I woke up at  six fifty-two a.m., yeah, I looked at my watch this time. We didnt do much today, we just went down to the beach and also grilled some dinner, hamburgers, hotdogs and chicken. We also celebrated my sisters brother-in-laws mothers birthday. we didnt do much because we were still flooded from the tropical depression/

Friday, June 1, 2012


Today I woke up around 7-8:30, this time I woke up because I was hungry. Eventually everyone woke up, just in time for a tropical depression to hit and flood the neighborhood. During a lull in the storm, my mother and I went out to a town called duck and did some shopping, one memorable store was "try my nuts" I kid you not. This store was a nut company that sells all sorts of nut merchandise. After this particular store we went to a store called "island bookstore" where I purchased a few books. On the way back we stopped to have lunch at a restaurant called "awful arthurs" where I had a beverage called "rum runner" and I had a meal that i forget its name, but it was a pasta dish with a creamy sauce and had shrimp and scallops in it. After lunch we went back to the house and I took a nap. We couldn't really do much else because the storm started up in earnest.

Thursday, May 31, 2012


Today I woke up around six to six thirty in the morning and this time I slept through most of the night, although I did wake up occasionally. I finally got up  when I heard people upstairs, my niece, my parents, and my brother-in-law. I spent most of the morning upstairs until certain parties woke up, and then I spent as much time as I could handle said parties, and then I went to the pool and swam a bit.
SHE LAUGHED AND SMILED!!!! My niece laughed and smiled when I played with her today. When most of the group were down at the beach, I was playing with my niece and she smiled and laughed for me when there was no distractions. Later on some of us went to an ice cream shop/parlor thing called snowbirds, i had vanilla of course. Unfortunately we did nothing else that was terribly exciting, oh well, maybe tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012


Today I woke up around five-five thirty a.m., and when I say woke up, I mean I decided to give up trying to sleep in a very hot room and on a different mattress. I spent most of the day so far in three or four different places, my room which is considerably cooler during the day for some reason, the pool which was fun as always and kinda cold today, the beach which was sandy as always but i didn't go in the water this time, and finally in the kitchen which is pretty much obvious what I did there. I continued to try to play with my niece but as usual she wasn't having that. I was told recently that if the weather was nice, we might go play mini golf tomorrow. Oh yeah, earlier a fairly small thunderstorm came through so I sat outside  for a spell and listened to the rain and thunder.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012


Today was another day spent traveling, this time to the Outer Banks, North Carolina, where we'll be staying in a beach house. This morning though was the first time I played with my niece and held her. She cried when I tried to hold her, so I immediately gave her back to my sister. That kinda made me upset but tomorrow is another day to try. I helped pack the cars while everyone was busy with everything....or did I mop the floors instead? I cant remember which one I did. It was probably the floor moping now that I think about it. Now we just have to wait for my sisters in laws to arrive so we can then leave.
We are now here at the beach house, where we arrived at around three p.m. After unloading the cars, most of us went down to the beach where I proceeded to be the first one to get into the freezing cold ocean, did I mention it was freezing? After spending some time in the ocean, I decided to head to the pool, where the water turned out to be considerably warmer. I spent about half an hour to an hour in the pool, and at some point my mother showed up to keep me company.
All in all it was a relatively nice day at the beach, when spending time with the family and their family (lets see, my sisters in-laws, her sister-in-law and her family, her brother-in-laws mom and sister). I hope the rest of the days will be just as good or even better.

Monday, May 28, 2012

North Carolina Vacation 5/26/12

For the next couple of days, I will be spending my time in North Carolina, while visiting my sister, niece, and brother-in-law. On the first day, my father and I flew on a plane to Raleigh/Durham, my mother had driven up the week before. When we finally got to my sisters home, my niece was asleep and my sister was at work, or on her way home. So we just visited with my brother-in-law for a while until my sister got home and my niece woke up. When my niece did wake up, it was the first time i had ever seen her outside of pictures. Meeting her was amazing, it felt so surreal to see my sister with a child. I mean I was there during the prenatal part, or at least part of it, but seeing her now just made me feel weird, I now felt like an uncle. There she was, my first ever niece, with her curly hair and blue eyes. I can now say I am happy to have a niece, not that I wasn't happy before, I had just never met her. Later on we all went to a pizza restaurant names Anna Marias, where we met up with my brother-in-laws parents. This restaurant had amazing pizza and stromboli (basically a pizza folded over, like a sandwich). This was how I spent the first day of my vacation.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Julie Anna

Excitement fills me
My niece I have yet to to see
A girl born ten months past
The joy she brings shall ever last
Julie Anna I long to meet
To finally see her shall be a treat

Friday, May 25, 2012

Love part 3

Oh to be with you my love
I would soar the clouds above
To dance with you would be a dream
We would walk along this wondrous stream
I smile every time your on my mind
To me you would be the greatest find

Thursday, May 24, 2012

The Little Girl part 2

As the girl in gothic dress
Dances around and spreads distress
She swings around her bloodied scythe
Leaving in her wake pain and strife
But fear not for she will not mistake
She takes those who it is time to take

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The Little girl

As this mortal coil becomes unbound
The little girl spins around
In her dress of gothic make
She laughs and cries at whats at stake
For she is death, here for your final toll
Beware of her, she'll take your soul

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


Clouds of white up so high
I reach up to touch the sky
Behind them sits a tireless moon
I know that night shall be here soon
Changing always, never the same
You dance around in a heavenly game

Saturday, April 14, 2012


Growing tall and out of reach
The trees of old are hard to breach
Oak and elm and pine and birch
Upon their limbs birds do perch
Under them upon their roots
I lay upon them eating fruits

Thursday, April 12, 2012

What have I done

What have I done
My words have crashed and burned
I don't know why I did that
I don't know what to do
Forever will I regret what I've done
Please forgive my soul

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

prt 2

You are to me a lovely flower
My love for you is so empowered
I'd cross a mountain to be with you
I pray that day will come true
A day that  we will be together
I'll learn to be all the better

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


Like rays of light upon the shy
Hope doth spring upon my eyes
Finding you hath made me glad
To be without you is surely mad
A childs wish, a parents dream
I walk along this timeless stream

Monday, April 9, 2012


As it falls upon my head
My thoughts themselves are filled with dread
The angels weep for human sorrow
What will they bring on the marrow
Clouds of grey and skies so dark
Upon my soul they leave a mark

Sunday, April 8, 2012

The Hunger Games

In The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins, we read about a sixteen year old girl named Katniss Everdeen. This sixteen year old girl lives in a post apocalyptic north america in a nation called Panem which is divided into twelve districts. At the Captial, a highly advanced metropolis, the hunger games are help for sport, but in reality it is a bloodbath. The actual games is a battle between twenty-four "tributes", two from each district, who battle to the death. Each tribute is chosen at random, one boy and one girl, but when katniss' sister is chosen. she volunteers in her place. The book is a wonderful novel that I recommend reading. Stephanie Meyer, author of the twilight saga, comments "I was so obsessed with this book...The Hunger Games is amazing". My own experience was I never wanted to put it down, even when I had to go to work. I reluctantly did, but immediately after i got home, i started reading again.

Saturday, April 7, 2012


Waking from this dream filled night
I see upon my eyes a sight
The sun is up, the mist so fine
Upon us looks the god divine
The grass is wet, the birds are singing
I wonder what this day is bringing

Friday, April 6, 2012


Yearning for the love I seek
I dream of the day that we shall meet
To hold your hand and kiss your lips
When I think of you my stomach doth flip
You are the piece my heart is missing
I dream of the day that we shall be kissing

Thursday, April 5, 2012


We march through time to our inevitable end
One by one we will cross the bend
We miss those that came before
Our fathers our mothers we all adore
To pass through that gate which we must go
The tears of those left behind ever grow

Wednesday, April 4, 2012


What to do with the time I have
I dream alone wishing I knew
Time passes ever more
Life goes on and yet still I ponder
Where in this world do I wander
The beat of time continues on
Go to the destiny I wish I knew
To know that soon I will be through

Tuesday, April 3, 2012


You tell me promises you never keep
I sit alone until I weep
As I sleep I dream of her
The love you promised i'd meet there
To be alone I realize now
I'll fight back, I will not bow

Monday, April 2, 2012


Fear grips me at my soul
Alone I have been evermore
Sitting here upon my dream
I watch the time slip on by
Friendships lost or never gained
I wish to change my past again
To be alone I do regret
Ever more I do forget

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Time is Passing

Time is passing
Ever more it flows
To the time we meet

To see thee in my dreams
a wish i keep unto myself
Unto thee I entreat

Till next we speak
I send my love
I wish you luck in this I weep

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Starts out with a theme, but then gets random

For some reason I feel really happy today, like something good will happen. I don't know why, but I am happy that I am happy. I woke up and after my usual complaining and cursing of the sun and all alarm clocks, I realized I was smiling. It was weird, I don't usually smile until after I have eaten or done something, but I woke up smiling. Later I was watching  the dogs playing, because we are still watching my brothers dog, and they were rough housing like usual, but they seemed to not be as rough as they usually are. Another reason I am happy is because I actually feel like writing a blog today, go figure. Yesterday I took a nap and after it I woke up feeling refreshed. I don't know why I took the nap, I just remember taking it. I tried to take on this morning, but the dogs were barking, so I couldn't sleep. Yesterday I was supposed to hang out with a friend but that never happened, so I should probably reschedule it for another day. Right now my thoughts are really random sounding to me as I type these sentences, so it must be rocket science for some people. Maybe I'll read a book later, I think it'll be that one book I haven't read yet, or at least one of them, probably the first book in the Master and Commander series, I hear its pretty hard to read though.

Thursday, February 23, 2012


Once again I have hit a wall in inspiration, I try to think about whaT i want to write about, but I just can't figure it out. how do those professional bloggers do this, they can just sit there and pump out blog after blog, while I struggle to think of a short paragraph. I once thought I over thought things, but now i wonder if i don't think enough. Is my lack of thoughts connected to my lack of friends? I wonder if that is possible. Are thoughts and conversational skills linked? Lately I have been thinking a lot about these blogs and what they mean to me, they are a way for me to get my frustrations out, but i cant get all my frustrations out. a lot of my frustrations are very private and I don't want to offend people or worry people with my personal problems. i am thinking of writing a second blog, but just for me, does that make sense? i don't know what to do, it feels like there is an empty part of me, and I don't know what to do to fill that hole, do you understand? I think I need help, i feel like the nothingness is expanding, like it is going to engulf me if something doesn't happen soon. it is so frustrating that i don't make enough to live on, i barely make enough to pay rent to my parents every week, and when I don't i become depressed because I failed my parents once again. I got to go, I'll talk again when I can.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

My Neighbor Totoro

The next film in the series of epic masterpieces released from Studio Ghibli shows a return of Hayao Miyazaki to the directors chair. It is titles "My Neighbor Totoro" and this is a movie that I highly recommend watching with children. The film follows the two young daughters. Satsuki Kusakabe (age ten) and Mei Kusakabe (age four), of a professor, Tatuso Kusakabe, and their adventures in their new home in postwar rural Japan. When they arrive there, they meet a kind old woman, granny/nanny, and her typical pre-teen grandson, Kanta Okagi. When the three Kusakabes' first move into their new house the mother, Yasuko Kusakabe, is revealed to be in the hospital from a unnamed long term illness, thus their move so they can be closer to the hospital. They soon discover, to their great joy, little black balls of soot, called susuwatari or soot sprites in the english translation and a mysterious cat like forest creature named Totoro, who introduces them to a weird catbus chreature.

"My Neighbor Totoro" is a wonderful family film that is both delightful and charming with a cast of great voices. Voicing the two sisters are real life sisters Dakota and her younger sister Elle Fanning, Both of whom bring a realistic sisterly feel to their characters. The father is voiced by Tim Daly while the mother is voiced by Lea Solonga, who is the singing voice of Jasmine (Aladdin) and Fa Mulan (Mulan and Mulan 2). The voice of the catbus and Totoro is Frank Welker,  famous for voicing Fred Jones and Scooby-Doo in the Scooby-doo shows. Rounding out the cast was Pat Carroll, voicing granny, and Paul Butcher voicing Kanta. This movie is a wonderful movie to watch with children and I highly recommend watching it.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

What would I do?

Someone asked me what I want to do in life, and I did not have an answer for them. I still do not but it has got me thinking. What do I want to do in life? I sure as heck do not want to do anything with politics, they is just too much drama in that cesspool, so I am not going to be president (happy ML?). It has crossed my mind to be a writer but I don't know if I could do that. I do not know if I have the talent or the patience to sit down and write something up, even if I did, what would I write about and how long should it be? How would I even get it published, all these questions and more have made me doubt being a writer. I mean I do love reading and all, so I probably could write something I would like to read, but I don't know what I would write about. Another thought was being a history teacher, but I don't think I would be good at that, I tried teaching the newboys (what we called the new recruits in the boy scouts) all about wilderness survival and other boy scout things, but that didn't work well, I feel like I wasn't that good at it and they didn't learn anything from me. I would probably be a better assistant than a teacher. A third thought was working at a museum, I love going to museums, I always have fun at them, at least when people go my speed, (mom) and I love history, so thats a plus. I just don't know what I want to do in life, and this frustrates me to no end. My friends from when I was growing up in the public school system have all graduated and earned a degree in what they want to do in their lives, and here am I a college drop out. Yes I finally admit it, I am a drop out, a failure, what good am I, everyone I know is better than me, and it makes me upset. I feel like a failure because I dropped out of college, I tell people that I want to go back, but I don't know if I can. Maybe I'll talk more about this later.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Nap Time

Yes thats right, I still take naps, and I know you all do to. Right now I have been having trouble falling asleep lately, but once I do, I am out like a light. What is real annoying about not being able to fall asleep is that I still wake up intermittently and get up early. So I am not really getting enough sleep, so I figure I should try to take naps during the day when I am not working, but I can't unless someone else is home because I have to make sure the dogs don't get into trouble, well, not too much trouble. The good thing about naps is I usually dream during them, and I usually remember what those dreams are about, so I can talk about them if I think they should be talked about. Right now my eyes feel really heavy and I feel kinda dizzy, but I can't fall asleep because 1. my parents are not home to watch the dogs, and 2. I have to go into work soon. So I have a conundrum, should I catch a few z's or should I stay awake and be tired while working till midnight? Maybe I can set my alarm for an hour or two and put the dogs in their crates so then I can take a nap. Although I might get in trouble if they defecate or urinate inside their crates...hmmm, another conundrum. Some people might think that taking a nap is for babies, and I will be the first one to say I don't care, naps are for everyone, whether your big or small, naps can be healthy. What I mean is it can help recharge your energy levels. Napping for at least twenty minutes has shown that it helps refresh the mind, improve alertness, and improve productivity. Some cultures even allow a short napping period after lunch called siestas. I am kinda rambling so I'm going to go now.

Thursday, February 16, 2012


It is hard to find inspiration for these blogs. Sometimes it comes to me, while other times I am sitting in my room, staring at the computer screen for hours on end. Today is one of the staring days. I sat here, staring at the screen, pacing my room, lying on the bed, doing anything to try to think of something to write about. It took me twenty minutes just to think of this topic. I have a friend named PH, she is a writer of two (at least two that I know of) books. I wonder how she does it, writing seems to come easy to her, although for all I know, she could be staring at a computer screen or banging her head on a desk, trying to think of something to write. I try to draw inspiration from my everyday life and from things that I like. There are only so many times one can write about emotions right? I have an aunt who is an illustrator for children's books, and I wonder how she is inspired to do her doodles let alone her job. How do people do it, it seems that some people just have it flow from them and it never stops, this is frustrating how little I am inspired sometimes. Half the time these blogs or just train of thought, I think something and I write it down, hence the title "Random Thoughts of Mine". I want to ask for help in finding inspiration, but since I don't get much feedback from doing these things, I figure it would be a waste of time asking for help here or in reality. Maybe if people read these things and told other people about them, I would get critiqued or something by someone, but for all I know only about six or seven people read these. Well I have finished for today, maybe I'll be inspired tomorrow. Oh by the way, if you like these, please tell others about them and comment here or on my facebook, I want to know if I am doing good.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Grave of the Fireflies

In the return of my Studio Ghibli films, I chose to write about "Grave of the Fireflies", directed by Isao Takahata. This movie takes place towards the end of World War Two, in a war torn Kobe, Japan after a recent fire bombing. Fire bombing is the use of incendiaries to burn down buildings and is cheaper than using regular bombs. In the opening scene, you see the body of Seita in Sannomiya Station, in rags and dying of starvation, all around are bodies of children dead or dying of starvation as well. A janitor comes and sifts through Seita's possessions and finds a candy tin containing ashes and bones.He throws it out and from the tin springs forth the spirits of the two orphans, and a cloud of fireflies. The movie focuses on two orphans who recently lost their mother, and their father is a captain in the japanese navy, feared to be dead. The two orphans, Seita (fourteen years old) and his younger sister Setsuko (four years old), must struggle to survive on their own after a short time spent with a distant aunt. The aunt welcomes them in, but as food rations and other issues come up, the aunt gets increasingly resentful, going as far as to openly complain about how they do nothing to earn the food she makes for them. After a time, the two orphans leave their relatives and move into an abandoned bomb shelter, where Setsuko slowly start to die of malnutrition. To try to save her, Seita begins to steal from a local farmer but is soon caught and severally beaten. After his sister dies, you find out that the ashes and bones from the beginning of the movie are his sisters remains. The movie ends with the two siblings, healthy and well-dressed, sitting side-by-side on a train, looking down in the modern day Kobe.

This movie is actually one of the few things to actually touch me on an emotional level and I will admit, I did cry a little. I apologize but I am unsure of the english voice actors. This movie is,, to me, about the horrors of war and what people do to survive in a war torn country. It is about the loss of innocence when all one is trying to do is survive and protecting their family. This movie is truly powerful and I recommend watching it (with a box of tissues mind you).

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentines day

Today people will celebrate the annual celebration of love, otherwise known as Valentines Day. The day where everyone buys gifts for their loved ones, goes on dates, or simple spending time with the one you love. To be honest I don't see what the big deal is, I have never had a reason to celebrate it, and yes I know, its something I would get if I had a reason to, but as of now I don't much care to celebrate it, it just shows that another year has passed that I failed to have a valentine. I understand the purpose of celebrating it, don't get me wrong, love is a wonderful thing, at least from all the books I have read or movies I have seen where it is involved has lead me to believe. I cant really describe it in words, but I have this hole in myself that I feel can only be filled by someone else. I watch couple who are in love....that didn't sound right...oh well... and I see that they are truly happy. They hold hands, are always smiling, share those small looks when they think no one is watching. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a creep, I just sometimes people watch when I am bored and I observe a lot of things. I believe that happiness and love are two sides of the same coin, there isn't one without the other, do you know what I mean? I don't think everything is in rose tinted glasses, good heavens no, I just believe that if one is truly in love, everything just seems a little bit better.

Ok, time for my frustrations to vent, I am just so frustrated that I haven't had a girlfriend to celebrate Valentines day with. All my friends are out there celebrating it and I am sitting in my house feeling sorry for myself. I need to get out there but the fear of the rejection and unknown is just so paralyzing. I have had my fair share of romantic interests in the past, but because I am such a coward, nothing ever happened with them. I was so stuck in my self destruction that I don't even know if I missed a chance. I wish I knew what to do but I don't. Obviously I am ruining a perfectly good holiday with my self destructive rants about a subject I have yet to experience, so I will end this here and wish every one a happy Valentines Day

Monday, February 13, 2012

Skye dog

This morning I was awoken at 0530 to what I thought was someone calling my name, but it turns out to have been my brothers dog, Skye, a blue murle boarder collie (I don't know if thats spelled right). She has white fur with black spots, and has blue eyes. She is getting old and has some problems that older dogs sometimes get, like mild (I think thats what they said) seizures and hip dysplasia. I named my dog Gaia to go with my brothers dogs name (we call Skye, skye dog, and I sometimes call Gaia, earth dog). Anyway, today I was woken up by skye barking to be let out. I was later told that she was barking all night, and my mother didn't get a lot of sleep this night. When I tried to return to sleep, after I let her our along with my dog, she began barking again, and it was mildly annoying, so I decided to just get up for good and started my morning routine early. As I am writing this she is still barking intermittently at something, probably my mothers piano playing. Or maybe its because no one is paying attention to her, or Gaia is bothering her. My brother has had Skye since about '08 I think it was, and she was a year old by then, so she is about five years old, at least that is what we decided when we were talking about her. Unlike my dog, whom I can pick up and hold at her modest thirty pounds, Skye is larger and more awkward to pick up, so I don't even try to pick her up, mostly because she probably isn't used to that and she is not my dog. Did I mention that we are watching her for two plus weeks while my brother is in India for him? Well if I didn't, I just did. This is only the first day and I am already losing sleep, oh joy.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

World Traveling

Today my brother leaves for India, and my mother made a comment about him being her world traveler. It got me thinking about another one of my dreams. A dream that I want to travel the world at some time in my life. I want to travel all over Europe and Asia, South America and Australia, visit Antarctica and Africa. I want to see ancient ruins, learn about their histories. People always dream of going somewhere in the world, and I want to go everywhere I can.My brother is going to be spending two weeks plus change in India. He will be traveling with a friend for most of the trip, seeing all the sights he can. Hopefully he will tell me about his trip while he is there or when he gets back. I might even tell you guys about it if I feel like it (and he gives permission). Ever since I was little, I have wanted to travel the world, see the sights, like the Eiffel tower of Paris, France. See the emperors palace in Edo, Japan, I mean Tokyo, Japan. Visit the Olmec ruins in Central America, or the Aztec ruins in Mexico. I know I will need a lot of money to do this, and I have one idea that I hope pans out that will afford me the amounts that will allow me to visit all the places I wish. I wont say what this idea is because I don't know if it is even worthwhile. I will say that I enjoy doing what I am doing, I just get stuck at some points.To do what my brother does at least once a year is amazing, he makes enough money to travel the world whenever he feels like it, or at least have it planned out and able to get time off to do all of this. I wont be able to see my brother off because I have work, so I wish my brother safe travels and I hope he has fun while he is away.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

It was Inevitable

It was inevitable that I write a blog about money. I know, thats dangerous territory, but I feel that I should talk about it. I am not good with how I handle my money, I am the first to admit it. I spend it pretty much as soon as I get it, and its not a lot to begin with. I wont say how much I earn, that might cause problems that I don't want to deal with right now. I also have to pay my parents rent because I still live with them, and I wont say how much that is either. Lets just say that because of my wanton spending, I am now in debt with my parents. I blame only myself for this, I bought too many video games, and I should have budgeted myself (no dad I don't need your advice on this one). What I should have done was save my money and bought only what I needed, not what I wanted, but its the past now, and I will probably not follow my own advice because I will probably buy something else I "just have to have". I am jealous of my siblings, yes I probably have said this before, so lets add this one to the list as well. My brother owns his own house, not renting mind you, and he has flown to Japan and most recently India, he has driven around Montana and California, and he lives alone (thats right ladies, he's available), so he definitely knows how to maintain his finances. My sister has a baby, lives in a two story (I think) home, and has lived on her own, apart from my parents, for years. She obviously knows how to maintain her finances. One of my dreams is to be able to live on my own and earn enough money to do that, unfortunately at this time, I cant see that happening.

Im sorta back

Hello, sorry that I haven't written in a long time, I have a job now and I ran out of ideas among other reasons. Not a lot has happened since I last wrote. My father has decided to look for a new job, I don't remember why, maybe its because he wants to, or I just don't feel like telling you, although if you personally ask me and I deem you worthy to know, I might tell you. My mom has continued to take substitute dental hygienist jobs, i.e. she is the one they call when their regular is sick or on leave. Oh, my brother is coming to visit today because tomorrow he flies to India to spend a week or two with a friend there, at least I think thats what he is doing when he goes tomorrow. My sister and her family have moved into their new home, somewhere in durham I think. I was supposed to go there for christmas, unfortunately I had to work, so I was home alone for christmas, sad face. I am alright with it though, because I earned money. Well I am going to end this one here, I plan to write a different one right after posting this one, this one was just an update on my life, if anyone cares to know.