Asleep at the Wheel

For some reason, I have been getting tired when I am getting ready to drive somewhere, usually a few minutes after I start driving. The weirdest part is that up until I start driving, I am full of energy, but for some reason, when I start to drive, I get sleepy. I have heard several stories about fatal car accidents because people fell asleep at the wheel. I am worried that one day, I really will fall asleep at the wheel, so I try to sleep enough and stay awake when I need to be.

Anger

Is anger ever justified when turned against someone? I believe that some anger is actually acceptable, it can help motivate you as well as vent frustrations. However, at the same time, anger could consume your whole identity, where for years, all you knew was anger. There are stories out there about people who, at my age became angry at someone, and now they are in their fifties who finally give up the anger, but they don't know who they are or what to do, because anger was who they were. When I am angry, I immediately deal with my anger, just so I don't let it consume me. Another form of anger is a blind rage, where you see red and don't realize what you are doing. Blind rages are another form of anger consuming you, and I myself have never gone into one, but I can only assume that when someone has a blind rage, and then comes out of it, they probably would have done something they would regret. So is anger justified, only in manageable doses is my opinion.

Love

Today, September 25th 2011, marks the thirty-fifth wedding anniversary of my parents. On this day, all those years ago, they stood before a pastor and declared to all the world their love for each other. Thirty-five years, to some it passed in a blink of an eye, for two it was the time of their lives. Amazing how they are still together when many marriages don't last that long now a days. Their marriage has lasted through the ups and downs that life throws at you. Milestones like the birth of your children and grandchildren, to bad times, like when you loose your jobs or the occasional arguments.When I sit back and watch how much my parents still love each other, I find myself wishing and hoping that when I get married, that my marriage lasts just as long, and longer, and the love and attraction is as alive as theirs. Happy anniversary Mom and Dad.

Love W, your son

Hiccups

Ok, I have been doing a lot of serious entries, so today I will do one that is not so serious. Is it weird that I like the way it feels when I hiccup? My mother hates when I do it because apparently it is loud when I do hiccup. There are actually times when I burp and hiccup at the same time, and every time my mother yells at me. Every time I hiccup, I can't help smiling when I do it.

Well my brother is visiting this weekend, so I'll keep this short, see ya

Missed Opportunities

The other day, while in therapy, it was brought to my attention that I might have missed opportunities to date when I was younger. That I wore metaphorical blinders to these opportunities, worn because of my poor self image.  When I was told this, I started to think about it, and I realized that that was true, I thought that I wasn't good enough to ask anyone out, or that I would be out right rejected. I didn't have the courage to do this, and I still don't, nor do I know how to fix it. Many people have responded with surprise when I mention that I have never had a relationship, they say that I'm "cute",( mostly spoken by people more than a little older than me). I'm told I have a great personality that people like being around me, and yet I still have bad self image.

I'm doing the write thing

The other day I learned that what I'm doing here is actually encouraged by the councilors. I was told that journaling/blogging helps those with anxiety and depression because, for one thing, it gets those annoying thoughts that are bugging you out of your head. Another reason its good is because it might actually bring to light the reason you are depressed or have anxiety. I can definitely say with certainty that writing things down does have an advantageous result because I feel a lot lot less headaches since I started doing this. Its like there is more room in my head for newer thoughts and the thoughts are not overflowing and giving me headaches.

My Reaction

Lately I have been in a place where there has been a lot of talk about suicide, I myself have not threatened, thought about doing it, or tried to commit suicide; but being where I have been frequently the past couple of weeks, it is a major issue, and it has gotten me thinking about just how many people have thought or tried to basically murder themselves, as my therapist calls it. Hearing about how those who tried to commit suicide were leaving behind families and friends that would be devastated if they had succeeded, has made me reaffirm my decision, or oath if you will, to never even think about putting my family and what little friends I have through that. 

The group therapist actually told the group and I that he has done many psychodramas about suicide and that in  EVERY single one of those suicide attempts, there was actually anger at the root of the attempt. Anger at someone, they wanted someone to hurt, make them feel what the person who tried to kill themselves felt. That actually surprised a lot of people in the group, including me. I always thought that it was because they wanted to make the pain stop, not to get back at someone.

I do not know if anyone I know has thought, tried, or even succeeded in committing suicide, but I know I would be devastated at the needless murdering of ones self. I could handle it if someone I knew died of natural causes, but to voluntarily kill yourself, I just don't know what to say, I would never get over it