Time is Passing

Time is passing
Ever more it flows
To the time we meet

To see thee in my dreams
a wish i keep unto myself
Unto thee I entreat

Till next we speak
I send my love
I wish you luck in this I weep

Starts out with a theme, but then gets random

For some reason I feel really happy today, like something good will happen. I don't know why, but I am happy that I am happy. I woke up and after my usual complaining and cursing of the sun and all alarm clocks, I realized I was smiling. It was weird, I don't usually smile until after I have eaten or done something, but I woke up smiling. Later I was watching  the dogs playing, because we are still watching my brothers dog, and they were rough housing like usual, but they seemed to not be as rough as they usually are. Another reason I am happy is because I actually feel like writing a blog today, go figure. Yesterday I took a nap and after it I woke up feeling refreshed. I don't know why I took the nap, I just remember taking it. I tried to take on this morning, but the dogs were barking, so I couldn't sleep. Yesterday I was supposed to hang out with a friend but that never happened, so I should probably reschedule it for another day. Right now my thoughts are really random sounding to me as I type these sentences, so it must be rocket science for some people. Maybe I'll read a book later, I think it'll be that one book I haven't read yet, or at least one of them, probably the first book in the Master and Commander series, I hear its pretty hard to read though.

again?

Once again I have hit a wall in inspiration, I try to think about whaT i want to write about, but I just can't figure it out. how do those professional bloggers do this, they can just sit there and pump out blog after blog, while I struggle to think of a short paragraph. I once thought I over thought things, but now i wonder if i don't think enough. Is my lack of thoughts connected to my lack of friends? I wonder if that is possible. Are thoughts and conversational skills linked? Lately I have been thinking a lot about these blogs and what they mean to me, they are a way for me to get my frustrations out, but i cant get all my frustrations out. a lot of my frustrations are very private and I don't want to offend people or worry people with my personal problems. i am thinking of writing a second blog, but just for me, does that make sense? i don't know what to do, it feels like there is an empty part of me, and I don't know what to do to fill that hole, do you understand? I think I need help, i feel like the nothingness is expanding, like it is going to engulf me if something doesn't happen soon. it is so frustrating that i don't make enough to live on, i barely make enough to pay rent to my parents every week, and when I don't i become depressed because I failed my parents once again. I got to go, I'll talk again when I can.

My Neighbor Totoro

The next film in the series of epic masterpieces released from Studio Ghibli shows a return of Hayao Miyazaki to the directors chair. It is titles "My Neighbor Totoro" and this is a movie that I highly recommend watching with children. The film follows the two young daughters. Satsuki Kusakabe (age ten) and Mei Kusakabe (age four), of a professor, Tatuso Kusakabe, and their adventures in their new home in postwar rural Japan. When they arrive there, they meet a kind old woman, granny/nanny, and her typical pre-teen grandson, Kanta Okagi. When the three Kusakabes' first move into their new house the mother, Yasuko Kusakabe, is revealed to be in the hospital from a unnamed long term illness, thus their move so they can be closer to the hospital. They soon discover, to their great joy, little black balls of soot, called susuwatari or soot sprites in the english translation and a mysterious cat like forest creature named Totoro, who introduces them to a weird catbus chreature.

"My Neighbor Totoro" is a wonderful family film that is both delightful and charming with a cast of great voices. Voicing the two sisters are real life sisters Dakota and her younger sister Elle Fanning, Both of whom bring a realistic sisterly feel to their characters. The father is voiced by Tim Daly while the mother is voiced by Lea Solonga, who is the singing voice of Jasmine (Aladdin) and Fa Mulan (Mulan and Mulan 2). The voice of the catbus and Totoro is Frank Welker,  famous for voicing Fred Jones and Scooby-Doo in the Scooby-doo shows. Rounding out the cast was Pat Carroll, voicing granny, and Paul Butcher voicing Kanta. This movie is a wonderful movie to watch with children and I highly recommend watching it.

What would I do?

Someone asked me what I want to do in life, and I did not have an answer for them. I still do not but it has got me thinking. What do I want to do in life? I sure as heck do not want to do anything with politics, they is just too much drama in that cesspool, so I am not going to be president (happy ML?). It has crossed my mind to be a writer but I don't know if I could do that. I do not know if I have the talent or the patience to sit down and write something up, even if I did, what would I write about and how long should it be? How would I even get it published, all these questions and more have made me doubt being a writer. I mean I do love reading and all, so I probably could write something I would like to read, but I don't know what I would write about. Another thought was being a history teacher, but I don't think I would be good at that, I tried teaching the newboys (what we called the new recruits in the boy scouts) all about wilderness survival and other boy scout things, but that didn't work well, I feel like I wasn't that good at it and they didn't learn anything from me. I would probably be a better assistant than a teacher. A third thought was working at a museum, I love going to museums, I always have fun at them, at least when people go my speed, (mom) and I love history, so thats a plus. I just don't know what I want to do in life, and this frustrates me to no end. My friends from when I was growing up in the public school system have all graduated and earned a degree in what they want to do in their lives, and here am I a college drop out. Yes I finally admit it, I am a drop out, a failure, what good am I, everyone I know is better than me, and it makes me upset. I feel like a failure because I dropped out of college, I tell people that I want to go back, but I don't know if I can. Maybe I'll talk more about this later.

Nap Time

Yes thats right, I still take naps, and I know you all do to. Right now I have been having trouble falling asleep lately, but once I do, I am out like a light. What is real annoying about not being able to fall asleep is that I still wake up intermittently and get up early. So I am not really getting enough sleep, so I figure I should try to take naps during the day when I am not working, but I can't unless someone else is home because I have to make sure the dogs don't get into trouble, well, not too much trouble. The good thing about naps is I usually dream during them, and I usually remember what those dreams are about, so I can talk about them if I think they should be talked about. Right now my eyes feel really heavy and I feel kinda dizzy, but I can't fall asleep because 1. my parents are not home to watch the dogs, and 2. I have to go into work soon. So I have a conundrum, should I catch a few z's or should I stay awake and be tired while working till midnight? Maybe I can set my alarm for an hour or two and put the dogs in their crates so then I can take a nap. Although I might get in trouble if they defecate or urinate inside their crates...hmmm, another conundrum. Some people might think that taking a nap is for babies, and I will be the first one to say I don't care, naps are for everyone, whether your big or small, naps can be healthy. What I mean is it can help recharge your energy levels. Napping for at least twenty minutes has shown that it helps refresh the mind, improve alertness, and improve productivity. Some cultures even allow a short napping period after lunch called siestas. I am kinda rambling so I'm going to go now.

Inspiration

It is hard to find inspiration for these blogs. Sometimes it comes to me, while other times I am sitting in my room, staring at the computer screen for hours on end. Today is one of the staring days. I sat here, staring at the screen, pacing my room, lying on the bed, doing anything to try to think of something to write about. It took me twenty minutes just to think of this topic. I have a friend named PH, she is a writer of two (at least two that I know of) books. I wonder how she does it, writing seems to come easy to her, although for all I know, she could be staring at a computer screen or banging her head on a desk, trying to think of something to write. I try to draw inspiration from my everyday life and from things that I like. There are only so many times one can write about emotions right? I have an aunt who is an illustrator for children's books, and I wonder how she is inspired to do her doodles let alone her job. How do people do it, it seems that some people just have it flow from them and it never stops, this is frustrating how little I am inspired sometimes. Half the time these blogs or just train of thought, I think something and I write it down, hence the title "Random Thoughts of Mine". I want to ask for help in finding inspiration, but since I don't get much feedback from doing these things, I figure it would be a waste of time asking for help here or in reality. Maybe if people read these things and told other people about them, I would get critiqued or something by someone, but for all I know only about six or seven people read these. Well I have finished for today, maybe I'll be inspired tomorrow. Oh by the way, if you like these, please tell others about them and comment here or on my facebook, I want to know if I am doing good.