Authority

Authority to me is what you give someone that you believe should have the ability to direct people or to help and take care of others safety. When your child is trapped in a fire, you trust in the authority of the firefighters to save your child and protect others, so you listen to their directions. In a hostage situation, you would place your trust in the police to resolve the crisis. Basically, authority is given to those you would trust in an emergency. Another example of authority is of someone who can make difficult decisions when no one else will. For example, many generals in the past have had to make the decision to send people to their deaths to win a strategic victory, knowing that several thousand might die, because in the end, it shall save millions of lives.

R.E.M. Syndrome

Recently I have been suffering from what I call the R.E.M. syndrome. R.E.M. was a band from when my brother was young, and I, being the annoying brat who looked up to him all the time, learned to like R.E.M. as well. One of their songs is titled, "Losing My Religion", (for those Gleeks out there its that song what's his face sung in the Cheezus Christ episode the only episode I have seen and remember.) Anyway, what I mean is I think I really an losing my religion, because as the years have passed, I have liked going to church less and less. It doesn't help that often my parents forced my to go to the early services. I have begun to notice a lot of repetitiveness to going to church itself, we go, we sing, we listen to bible verses, we sing, we listen to a sermon, we sing again, listen to more verses, sing again, then we leave. Even the sermons are getting repetitive. I know this blog might alienate some family of mine, because everyone from my fathers side are heavily spiritual, I mean my Grandfather and Uncle were both ministers or was it reverands. I grew up listening to stories about them, mostly my grandfather being a minister. My aunts and cousins are very spiritual, and I worry that they will alienate me. I worry that I am losing my religion and my family because of it.

Appreciation

When you do something nice for someone, and they appreciate what you have done for them, don't you feel happy? When ever someone does something kind for me or does a favor, I always try to show my appreciation for what they have done. I also, deep down in my subconscious, try to do things to receive appreciation from others. Appreciation makes me feel good and encourages me to do more for others in the hope of receiving more and more. I actually am quite selfish is this way, I crave reactions to my actions, I expect someone to appreciate what I do for them, but I never voice these thoughts to anyone because that would be terribly rude. Showing your appreciation will also result in someone doing things for you in the future if you ask them for help.

Ma happy place

When I wanted some alone time when I still lived in Maryland, time away from everything that life threw at me, I would often walk through the woods behind my house, off the path. I believe that my not walking on the paths in the woods is a good metaphor for my life, meaning I don't like walking the way others do it, but I like to know that if I got lost, that there was a path nearby to help me find myself. Since I moved from Maryland, I have not had a chance nor will I have a chance to walk off the path in the woods, mainly because there are no forests behind my house, just a man made lake.

When I would walk through the forest, I would be able to vent my frustrations to the trees, I would pretend that they were listening to me. Just pretending that someone was listening, no matter the issue, made me happy. Just being alone helped me deal with a lot of issues, like who I thought was pretty, who made me angry, who hurt my feelings, and many other things. I would sit by the stream and listen to the world around me and be at peace. Trees all around me, a stream with a small bank to sit on, the soft crunch of a deer walking by on the other side of the stream, this is my happy place.

Germany part 1

A year or two ago, I had the opportunity to go to Germany, and because I have always wanted to go to Germany, I jumped at the chance to go. The first day in Germany was actually spent in the air mostly, because I had to fly to Atlanta, then from Atlanta to Munich. On the first day, I woke up, and I use the term woke up loosely because I did not sleebecause of my excitement, and my father drove me to Bush intercontinental and was actually allowed to see me off at the gate. This was the first time I actually flew alone and I was a little nervous, i.e. about to freak out. After my plane landed in Atlanta, GA, I met up with the teacher who was chaperoning I guess you could say, my history teacher at the time, Mr. C. He arranged to meet me at my gate before hand so he could bring me to the rest of the group that were going,including his mom, whom I coined the term, p "mamma c." When we met up with the rest, it was about a two hour wait i believe for the flight to Germany. When we finally boarded the plane, I was separated from the group because I reserved my tickets separate from them, and I was seated next to an elderly lady, whom fell asleep soon after take off, and I didn't want to wake her, so for the entire ten hour flight, I stayed seated, watching movies, reading, playing video games. I also got no sleep so I was actually awake for about forty hours that day. Ten hours later, at seven A.M. in Munich, we landed, and I sprinted to the nearest bathroom. I had looked out the window of the plane and seen England, France, and the sun rise while a mile up. After we landed and got off the plane, I remember very little, but I do remember sitting at a cafe in the airport waiting for the adults to find our van that they were renting for sevenish days.When it showed up, we all piled into the van, I was lucky enough to ride shotgun, and drove three hours to a little village named Bad Bayersoien. When we arrived at BB, we got settled and went out to lunch at a restaurant I don't remember, toured the town that my teachers great aunt I think it was, lived it, visited her, then we ate dinner at an italian restaurant believe it or not. After dinner, we went back to the....bed and breakfast I guess you could call it, and I passed out in my room, not to be awakened for a long time. End of Day one.

Bad habits

I was thinking the other day about habits and how some are bad habits. I'll admit that I have bad habits, like chewing my nails or cracking anything that I can, i.e. knuckles and spine. I learned my bad habits from watching others, like my family, when I was younger. I am not sure about others, but my habits show up when I am nervous or when I am thinking, crewing my nails and cracking my joints, respectively. There are other habits that I know of but don't do that are worse habits, like smoking, and there are better habits, like drawing a picture. Now that I have thought about my habits, I wonder what other peoples habits are.

Am I being left behind?

As I was mowing the lawn today, I had some time to think. Normally this is a good thing, and I can plan out these blogs. But today I got to thinking about my friends, and I realized something. I realized that my friends might be leaving me in their pasts and I have, in my depressed state, not realized that.  Some friends are always busy at work or doing homework, while I am stuck in the past. All of my friends keep getting or are still in relationships, and I feel because I don't know what that is like, they look down on me subconsciously. Some friends don't even talk to me anymore, and I feel like those that still do only because they are being polite. When we do talk, I have to struggle to talk with most of them, its always short answers. I understand that this is just my mind telling me things, and that they are just really busy, growing up and being adults and all, I just wish they would leave me a note every now and then telling me how they are or something. I live in Texas, I am far away from all of my friends. So I have been asking myself for two hours now, am I being left behind?