Thursday, November 17, 2011
I am writing this earlier because I have to work today. I sometimes think that I over think some things, like did I remember that time right, or did I remember do do such and such? It is annoying because it drives me nuts until I find out if I did the right thing. Lately I have been thinking about work whenever I have a quiet moment, which since I have been reading more and playing video games less (no I still like to play video games mom and dad) my quiet moments have increased. Thus, I have been over thinking things, work most recently, and I get stressed out. I have been told that its all in my head and that I will be fine, work hard and it will get better, fake it till you make it, but like I said last time, talk is cheap. Just saying things wont make it better, I need to realize myself that things will be fine, that they will get easier, that I can make it. I know this is sounding selfish and rude, and I apologize in advance, but every time someone tells me something, it does not really help me feel better. Look at this right now, I just over thought the consequences and I will probably loose sleep about other things because I am always thinking about things. I have not gotten a decent nights sleep without the aide of sleeping medication (herbal suppliments, nothing that will mess me up of course) in well over three months, and I still wake up periodically throughout the night. All this lack of sleep I believe can be attributed to me thinking about things excessively and worrying because of the excessive thoughts. I thank all that is holy that I do not consider taking illigal drugs or doing different forms of self destruction because that is goes against my morals. I just wanted to reiterate that statement because I fear that I have become self destructive sounding lately, and I just want to put it out there that I am not self destructive. Now back to what I was talking about, when I ran this topic by my mother earlier today, she told me that everyone over thinks and that it is normal. Yes, I belive that to be true, but that does not help me stop doing that, I was told yesturday by my brother that there is no strategy guide to life. I realize that also is true, but it doesn't make me wish for one any less than I do. He then went on to tell me that if I needed to I could talk to him, which I thank him for saying to me, no I need to get ready to go and my head is acheing from all this over thinking.