Thursday, October 20, 2011

Living in the shadow of greatness

All my life I have felt that I was living in my sisters, brothers, and especially my fathers shadows. My brother was the all-american swimmer and advanced classes. My sister was the all star athlete who could play any sport and excel at it, and she was also in the advanced classes. My father, is the bike racer, money maker, smartest, and everything I strive to be, but have yet to accomplish. The only thing that is just mine is my eagle rank in the boy scouts. Even my mom is better at me in some things, like playing the piano, I may be able to play by ear on the piano, but only with my right hand, my mother can play with both hands and she can cook a mean lasagna and other things. For all the grief and kidding around with her, I believe my mother actually is smart and talented. I feel so overwhelmed living in the shadows of my family. Even my extended family cast long shadows, one of my uncles didn't finish college, but he is now fixing planes. Another uncle is a freaking doctor of ministry, so he has to be smart. On my mothers side, her brothers and sisters-in-laws are journalists, illustrators and lawyers. All of my cousins are successful in what they do, even if its just a family person, they are so good at it.
I feel that I need to push myself to excel because my family excels. When I went to high school, I was known as my brothers brother, or my sisters brother, I had to strive for my own identity. Everyone expects greatness from me but all this pressure bears down on me.  My entire family cast long shadows and I am in the dark because I feel like I am the only one who isn't good. I love my family don't get me wrong, and I am grateful that they do well and are very happy. Now my head is starting to ache from this so I'm going to stop before I have an aneurysm.

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